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thepassionatejew

The Gdly Scar.


by: Ettie Jacobson

Challenges in life.

They try to consume you

Will you break free of them, and come out,

come out stronger,

Or will you let them take over your life?

That is the choice everyone of us has to make,

Every second of our lives.

No one sees it, but everyone has a struggle inside of them.

Everyone has to deal with hard tests in life.

One thing may seem so small to someone else from the outside, but inside, it feels like we’re not going to make it.

It feels like it might cover us, drown us, pull us in and take our lives.

But, just know, that if we want to, WE (each and every one of us) have the choice to come up for air. We might need to scream for help. We might need a lifeguard to help pull us up when we have a ‘cramp in the water’, or, sometimes if we have enough strength left inside of us, and we try hard enough, we can pull ourselves up.

But, this is an extremely hard choice to make.

Many challenges might seem so hard to conquer that we think, giving up would be an easier and better option. Usually the easier choice is not the best one.

But,

DON’T GIVE UP!

Don’t let the tide pull you in.

Because, when you come out of it, with a trophy and you are successful, the next time you’re tested,

It won't even be a war.

You will have the techniques to conquer it before it takes you into battle.

Because you will know that this is just a test.

But, if it does take you into battle, next time,

It won't be a hard one.

You will know that it is just a test to show Hashem where you are holding, “what you know” about life and what you’ve learnt since the last test.

Life.

What is that?

What is the definition of life?

To some people, life means breathing,

Breathing, eating, moving, sleeping,

Nothing too meaningful if you don't know why you're doing those things.

If you are doing those things without true meaning, sometimes it feels like there's no reason to.

But, you must know that you are doing those things because we all,

Me, you, everyone; all human beings,

We have a mission in this world.

Our mission is to make this world a dwelling place for G-d. To be guided by HIS way of life that HE wants us to live. The blueprint HE made for us.

HE wants us to live with reason and feel like we are accomplishing great things throughout life.

Our mission is to come out stronger from these challenges that come our way every single day. Our responsibility is to show G-d where were holding, wherever and whenever HE wants to know. Basically a pop quiz on life.

Throughout life, we learn about faith, belief, and appreciation, (and lots of other things as well).

But, if were not tested on those things, will we ever remember them, or grow from the knowledge?

The only way we will be able to LIVE the teachings and studies of life is if we are tested on them.

So, Hashem brought each one of us into this world to do something. If G-d did not have any faith or belief in you, HE would not have sent you down here.

Gd knows that you will come out stronger from the tests HE throws at you.

HE made you.

HE knows your strengths and weaknesses.

HE is our creator.

HE has placed you here to complete your special and unique task that ONLY YOU can accomplish.

ONLY YOU!

Only you, with your legs and your arms, and your feet and hands.

And, only you, with your eyes and your ears, and your mouth and nose.

And only you with your head and your heart.

Only you with your soul.

Only you, with your ups and your downs,

And only you with your strengths and your weaknesses.

G-d knows all of them.

G-d wants all of them.

G-d loves all of them.

And, G-d does not want you to put them down or think that you aren't good enough for this job because of any of them.

Embrace your you, because G-d does that too.

Embrace the you that G-d made.

G-d loves us for who we are. He knows our flaws and imperfections.

But, there's no problem in growing into a new and improved version of ourselves. When we do that, we don't understand how much happiness we are giving Gd.

He made us who we are, but our purpose is to improve, grow, and become a stronger version of ourselves every second.

For example, when a baby is born, the parents and whole family is so in love with him/her, but he/she didn't do anything besides exist.

But, when that baby grows, and matures, physically, spiritually, mentally, and continues in the parents footsteps, the parents get so much NACHAS- overflowing happiness, and much more love.

Just like our creator. G-d made us, but when we use our abilities that HE gave us, to evolve and mature into the real us, with personalities, morals and improved abilities, we grow into the most amazing version of us and give G-d so much NACHAS.

HE knows our true self and who we can become.

HE knows us more than we know ourselves.

HE does so much for us.

Do we do our part? Do we follow in HIS footsteps, or is it just a one sided relationship?

We know so much about HIM, yet so little.

We know that HE has created us,

But do we know more?

We do know more.

We know HIM.

HE is inside each and everyone of us.

HE has given us HIS blueprints for life, and that itself is HIM.

If we learn more, and study more and live according to HIS way, we will know so much more about HIM, and will love HIM so much more than we think we do.

We can even know some secrets about HIM, about life and about ourselves if we learn Chassidus and apply it to our daily lives.

But, some things we can never know about HIM.

Why?

That is the biggest “black hole” of Gd

The word why.

It's a very small word, but causes so much emotion, tension, and different energies.

Why does HE do what HE does?

Why cant we know?

Why can't HE tell us,

Or at least give us a hint?

Why does HE make us go through these tough challenges in life?

Why?

The only thing we can do is believe. We can only have complete faith in HIM that HE knows what's best for us. And, sometimes, what's best is not knowing why.

Hashem tested my faith and belief in HIM,

And everyday, I thank HIM that I succeeded,

And that HE allowed me to succeed.

This Passover, will thank Gd, be 10 years since Hashem gave me this test.

It will be 10 years since my “rebirth”.

As I said before, you are only born because Hashem thinks you have a mission in this world, and the world can not continue without you.

I am still here ONLY because HE wants me and needs me to be here, in HIS world.

I am still here because I have a mission in life, and no one else can be my substitute.

I am the only one who can accomplish my mission

So, I was given a reminder.

I was given a reminder the day before we celebrate the miracle of leaving our enslavement from Egypt.

The day G-d thought our extremely difficult challenge, the torturous reality that we lived in, had to come to an end.

We didn’t come out a broken nation even through all the horrendous torture and pressure.

Even though the Egyptians wanted to crush our spirits, we came out a stronger, wealthier, and a multiplied nation. We transcended nature and broke out of our limitations.

In some ways my reminder was given in a very unique and quite harsh way, but what has come from it, is only love, faith, appreciation and lots more.

Because I know that there was a special and still hidden reason for it, I thank Gd that I have been given the opportunity to constantly be reminded, every single day, from that day on.

Every time I look in the mirror,

Every time I take a selfie,

Every time I am me.

Every second that I am living, I am reminded why I am here.

I am not here for myself, to indulge myself into the physical pleasures of this world.

I am here, in this physical world, to uplift the G-dly sparks that are inside all of the physicality that constantly surrounds me.

My mission in life is to complete my soul's purpose.

And, thank G-d, the tools that constantly help me, my body, and specifically the parts of my body that I use every second, are branded with G-d's reminder.

My mission scars, from fire.

Fire.

Fire is what tested me. It was my challenge.

Fire.

Fire has the ability to destroy or create.

Fire has the ability to warm up or burn.

Fire; fire has the ability to bring us closer to G-d, or forget everything and not want to return or connect. I’m not sure why G-d chose fire to remind me.

I’m not sure i’ll ever find out the reason why.

Why fire? Why me? Why did this have to be my challenge?

Although it might seem horrible to have gotten the highest degree burn when I was just 8 years old, while standing with my family, doing the ritual of burning the CHAMETZ before Passover.

Although it might seem horrible, I know there is a reason for it.

I know that it was all part of a heavenly plan, that our limited human minds will never understand.

So all I can do is say Thank You.

Now you will know the reason of why I am so thankful for this crazy experience.

Recently, when I shared my story with my teacher, one of the first things she said was, “The scar on your face is shaped like the letter -YUD-”.

I was speechless.

The letter YUD has the numerical value of 10 and is the letter that stands for Gd.

It represents the essence of every Jew, the NESHAMA (the pintele yid), the spark of Gd within each of us.

Gd literally branded HIMSELF on me, and for that, I am so thankful.

HE branded me with this unique connection that no one else in the entire world has.

HE not only gave me a piece of HIMSELF inside of me, but also on the outside.

HE put my insides, my essence, out in the open, where everyone would be able to see it and know, that I am here because of G-d.

I am a walking reminder of G-d.

HE put HIMSELF on my face as a reminder, like an artist signing his work.

He signed me so that if I ever feel down, or disconnected, I will always, feel connected to HIM.

HE is always with me, even when I don’t feel HIM.

I have lived with the scars on my body for 10 years, more than half my life. I don’t really remember how I looked without it, because it’s been a part of me for so long.

I never realized that G-d signed HIS work on me, and no one else did either, until this 10th year.

(Maybe this epiphany is just an extra reminder from G-d for the 10th year.)

But, this is not the only year that I am so thankful.

Every single year by Passover time, I remember to give a shout out to G-d.

I know that I could have died.

My challenge, the blazing fire could have consumed me but G-d didn’t let that happen.

So, every single day, I am reminded. I am reminded of G-d and about my mission in life.

When I run to help someone or walk to Shul, I am reminded,

When I give Tzedakah, or say the Shema, I am reminded.

When I get dressed every morning in modest clothing, or put makeup on for Shabbos, I am reminded.

But, Sometimes I forget.

Sometimes I forget, that I have this unique connection and reminder on my face, hands and legs.

Sometimes I forget, because I am so engrossed in MY routine life, not remembering that the reason why I am here, is for my soul’s mission, and not my body's physical one.

But, even though it might seem like I forget that I am here for a reason, I know, deep down in my NESHAMA (my soul), that, that will never be able to happen.

My reminder is on my body, I see it every single day, but, it’s been with me for so long and just seems so natural.

So, when the daily routine comes, and life camouflages my reminder,

I know, that I must remind myself, and re-inspire myself that it is extremely not ordinary. I must remind myself that this is my unique reminder from Gd, and that I have a mission in this world to complete.

That is why I am so excited to be writing this essay.

The opportunity came at a perfect moment in my life when I have been struggling with some difficult challenges, and my reminder was getting too camouflaged into my daily life. Some of my challenges were getting me down and I forgot that I have a very important reason to be here.

Writing this has reminded me, and re-inspired me about my unique reminder, and about my abilities, purpose and connection to Hashem.

I too, am a person with struggles, and sometimes it is very hard for me to overcome my daily challenges.

But, just so you know, I am trying very very hard to be victorious over them.

Each new challenge that I am able to conquer makes me stronger for the next one that comes at me.

Sometimes I lose, but that’s ok.

Its ok because I am not perfect, but I strive to overcome my challenges whenever they appear.

I am not a TZADIK- a righteous person who doesn’t have tests and challenges in life because he is on another level. He has an extreme level of faith, belief, and connection to Hashem.

My goal is to be a BEINONI- the one that has tests and challenges in life, but overcomes each one of them with flying colors. He knows that these tests are just Hashem wanting to see where he’s holding. He knows that everything that happens to him every single second is HASHGACHA PROTIS (Divine Providence), and he will not let his tests break him down, but on the contrary, make him a stronger version of himself.

G-d gets so much more NACHAS and pleasure from the BEINONI because of how much effort and will they put in to their relationship with HIM, even when it’s extremely hard, and a very big struggle.

In life, throughout all of these challenges, we must have self confidence, and know what we are worth. We must know that since we are not TZADIKIM, and most of us are not even BEINONIM yet, we will fall. We will lose the battle sometimes, and that’s not bad.

That just shows that we are human. It shows that we still need to work on ourselves so that next time,

Next time we will be the winner.

Like a baby learning to walk, we know that he/she will fall.

We know he will fall because he doesn’t have so much experience in walking yet, and that’s how life works.

We don’t expect a baby to walk perfectly on his first try. In fact, it would be very odd if he did.

But, we know, either by himself, or with the help of his parents or family, the baby will pick himself up, and try to walk again. He will do this process over and over again, until one day, he will be able to run a marathon.

Falling is a part of life. If we don’t fall, we will never learn.

Our goal as human beings is to take every challenge as it comes, one at a time.

Every challenge in life is either a hit, or miss.

Will you hit the ball, get that home-run and overcome the challenge? Or, will you miss it?

Even if someone is a very experienced baseball player and has been playing for his whole life, sometimes he will miss, because he is human.

But, as people of this world, we must try, we must try to hit the ball so it goes flying!

Hit the challenge. Hit it so hard that we get that home-run, win that round, and come out victorious.

But, if we miss the ball, if we do lose that round, we should not think that we are a bad person for losing, because if we do, we will have no self confidence to get back up. We can’t let the little thing inside of us tell us there is no point in trying again because we failed the last time. That little thing inside of our head is called the YETZER HARA. If, and when it comes, we need to push it away with all of our strength, and know for a fact that, it’s wrong. We need to remind ourselves that we DO have all the abilities to try again, and hopefully we will win next round. We need to know that we have the strength to get right back up, because we are G-d’s children. We must know, that HE, the one who created the entire world and everything that exists, HE gave us the power to get back up. HE gave us the ability to have the strength that we need, to continue.

We need to know, that no one, and nothing will ever be able to stop us because WE GOT THE POWER!

Thank G-d, Hashem had so much faith and belief in me and thought that I, a little girl of 8 years old still needed to be in this world. HE knew that my mission was not yet complete.

Thank G-d, Hashem has let me live and be able to overcome my special challenge.

From that day on, that sunny April 8th, 2009; the special day that only happens every 28 years, when we have a commandment to thank Gd for the sun, I know.

I know that not even fire can stop me.

Not even fire can stop me from getting back up, and completing my mission.

So, whenever I have a very tough challenge,

I try to remind myself,

That If I was victorious over fire, I can, with the help of Gd, be victorious over any other challenge, that comes my way,


-And so can you,

ONLY with the help of Gd-


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