By: Rebbetzin Camille Hasson
5...4....3....2....1..... 2020 happy new year!!! Once again, the same resolutions as the year before . Nothing has changed . Be a better mom, be a better wife, lose 10 kg. Get closer to HaShem . I can’t believe its here again. And like so many others I did not change a thing.
As Jews we usually go through the whole thing twice , once on Rosh Hashana when we usually take upon ourselves more spiritual resolutions and once again at the civil new year when we usually take upon more Gashmiut resolution. And if you’re really good, you do both, twice.
"Resolutions are great - they give you time to think of what you want to change and how. They give you a chance to see what you did wrong the past year and, wanting to become a better person the problem is we were brought up to think big."
“This year I’m gonna change.“ “This is the year I’m gonna do it.“ “By next month no one will even recognize me I will lose so much weight.” or “That’s it I’m saying the whole Tehillim once a week”... The problem with big is, when it comes to resolutions, big is overwhelming. Big means you have to change everything and quick. Big means everything. But everything can’t be changed so easily.
Every Rosh Hashanah, we as a family go around the table and we say what our resolution will be this year and what was our resolution was last year. So everyone starts with the big and the wow and every one nods their heads, “good for you, that’s amazing... “Good luck with that”.
On the other hand my husband always says something small, whether it be say the full Shema from a Siddur at night or say one Mishna a day. Or don’t yell at the kids on Tuesday. And that’s when everyone looks at him and says and??? And he says “that’s it”!
You see, at the end of the year, we all listen to how we kept our resolutions and of course, my husband is the only one who has actually kept it. We have been married 12 years and he really sticks to his resolutions but something has always bothered me. I asked him: “how are you supposed to change from the small things? By the time you have perfected yourself, time will be up and off you go”. He told me it’s the only way to actually stick to your resolution but once you make yourself a small resolution you have to stick to it like super glue . So it has to be something realistic.
Quitting sugar, or smoking, Davening three times a day when you just started out, never shouting at the kids are things that last for a week maybe two but once January 14th comes along or mid Tishrei your enthusiasm dies down and you will be happy if you lost half a pound. Or didn’t smoke for half a day or didn’t shout for an afternoon. Which is great, but I have also realized that we hide behind them when we make them, telling ourselves it’s okay because this year I will change.
But then we come out of hiding a couple of days later and so do our resolutions. The real way to make a change is to think small, don’t change all at once, because when you focus on the small things those things become big in your future.
Happy new year, to the small things that make us great!
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