"Hey, can I dance with you for a moment?"
B”H
Its 12:54 am and im sitting eating dinner in the basement im renting.
Its in crown heights
I made some pasta and vegan meatballs from trader joes with some delicious chinese sticky sauce
And some salad
But i dont have energy to open up the pre checked bag of lettuce-
I also was preparing some lunch for myself for tomorrow
But Gd had other ideas
I spiced up some delicious salmon and stuck it in the oven after waiting for it to defrost in my rice cooker pot of water
I was so excited
I took it out of the oven and wallah
I was bringing it to my table downstairs
And it totally flopped over
On the front side down
And smushed itself into a dish no human would want to
'3 second rule'
To say the least it was quite a bummer
I was legit excited to go to work just to eat my lunch-
I was gonna put some rice and broccoli into the rice cooker cause it doubles as a steamer
And i usually just cook both at once
Salmon, rice and broccoli is my go to
Usually, i would have broke out in tears cause I'm exhausted and hungry and this was really annoying,
But im growing into a deeper version of myself that is able to understand that this right here
This rejection, was for my TOTAL protection.
And i totally believe it-
Theres really nothing in me right now that can try to say otherwise
So i realized that for some reason Gd didnt want me to eat it-
Could I have been holding it more carefully?
Possibly,
But I didn't think anything would happen,
and for some reason i wasnt supposed to eat it,
Maybe there was something not great inside of it and i could have gotten sick c"vs
Or maybe Gd just wanted me to stop and take into account that
Yes, i just put together this stunning deliciously smelling piece of salmon, but actually, Hes the one that runs the world,
Was i acting or expressing haughtiness, was my ego growing too big by thinking nothing would happen if I wasn't holding things, extremely carefully?
My mouth was watering at the sight of what was still sizzling right out of the oven,
But i stopped, and took it in,
It might have not been something good to eat
Or maybe Gd just wanted me to have this moment be one of acceptance.
Of sometimes things dont go as planned, even if you are holding things carefully,
And how am i going to react?
So I started thanking Gd for this,
For this experience that im not sure was the reason, but maybe the reason was just to acknowledge and say thank you to Him,
An opportunity of acceptance and acknowledging Gd's protection,
So i started singing Thank You Hashem and started dancing as well.
I really felt like Gd had just saved my life-
Gam Zu Letova.
This too is for the best.
It truly felt like that.
It felt like the reason, the total good reason was right there,
But i was the only creation not being able to see it revealed because of my human mold-
But you know what-
Because we have that human mold, its an even greater opportunity for us to go beyond and say
First,
Im human, and i tried my best to carefully achieve something, maybe i could have been more careful, but, for some reason this didnt turn out how i was hoping,
and
Gd even though im human and cant see the obviously good reason of the thing that just happened here, im CHOSING with my FREE CHOICE to chose to illogically go beyond and understand that this is for my best.
Then my friend,
The dancing, and you know what, even just that acknowledgment and tapping in, even without the dancing,
Gd hears that, and Hes like
WOWWWWWWWW.
What?!
YOU CHOSE to see the good in this, here,
Let me reveal the good reason to you,
Let me bless you with revealed good experiences in your life, cause why not-
Its the same to you; let me just give you revealed good.
If youre gonna appreciate and dance and sing that something happend and you chose to see it in a good light, IM going to give you revealed good so that the dancing and appreciation will be 10000001% more.
And you know what guys-
Im really not joking, it took so much for me not to cry-
And i even said out loud to myself when it happened -
I might cry.
Because of all the time and effort i put into making such a delicious thing,
But sometimes, you have to take that point of breaking,
That overwhelmingness that you might feel and the exhaustion and done feeling, and instead of crying and giving up,
We give up.
We give IT UP
Accept,
We give it up to WHO the world belongs to...
We give up our strong point of view that were in charge,
We give up the need for control or even being all put together.
Dont get me wrong-
Taking control of your life, taking responsibility, accountability for your thoughts, speech and actions, and
Being all put together is amazing, and is actually a huge, main reason of why were here,
But, if we try to plan out and prepare every single moment, to the T, without leaving any room for Gd to co create with us, and add in His spontaneity, guidance, protection, color, whatever you want to call it, He pushes through our planned out schedule and preparedness, and says- hey you forgot to give ME some time in all of this to add my ideas,
And it might be a little more chaotic-
Like a fresh pan of hot deliciously smelling salmon falling flat on its top, smushing itself into a happy little accident-
Until you do realize that all along Gd really just wanted you to step out of your head for a minute, let go, and start dancing…
With HIM.
Till your bland expression of the day wipes away and turns into the most happy little smile
:)
And ps- you dont even know how much joy and awe and wonderful feelings that gives Gd and all the angels watching you-
I can imagine their faces in shock, in disbelief from seeing how much you've grown, into the version of yourself that just has so much trust and faith and belief in Gd, acknowledging and accepting His Kingship.
YOU ROCK!
Thank You Hashem!
Pss- can you find the heart that came out of it, at the end of everything while cleaning up
Psss-
Will I still prepare something for my lunch tomorrow, ?
Yes, yes I will, (Gd willing)
But I'm going to choose to breathe, and acknowledge Gds presence here with me in this moment, while making something else delicious as well-
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